All the men who’ve medaled
Or celebrities who’ve danced
Seems to me that every one’s
Augmented or enhanced

Artists that we idolized
And athletes that we trusted
Every single one of them
Eventually gets busted

Runners who had stumbled
And who barely could complete
Suddenly are posting times
Alongside the elite

Pitchers who had lost it
All at once regain their form
What was once anathema
Has now become the norm

Many who’ve observed this trend
Have spent their time lamenting
I, like Huey Lewis think
That we should be inventing

Grants should be extended
Yes, and mountains must be moved
For there is one profession
That could stand to be improved

I’ve set some lofty goals
But the most urgent of my missions
Performance enhancing drugs
For politicians

A chemical concoction
They could swallow or inject
To help them build biographies
Deserving of respect

A pill that stops the vocal cords
Pronouncing words, uncouth
A potion that’s effective at
Eliciting the truth

Something so they don’t appear
Like loads of old Malarkey
Countering their urge to be
So petulant and snarky

We all need this new medicine
Without pause or delayment
I know it may be pricey
But I’ll cover the co-payment

Debate

I have advice to offer
And I hope it’s not too late
For anyone who finds himself
Involved in a debate

These are not the tactics
Used by those who twist and spin
But put them into practice
It’s a decent bet you’ll win

Skills I learned in High School
And see how far they’ve brought me
Built upon the lessons
That old Fr. Gerry taught me

LISTEN to the question
And answer it directly
Plain talk keeps you way ahead
Of speaking circumspectly

Wrap your words around the truth
At least try staying near it
Everybody knows a fabrication
When they hear it

Don’t let your simple statements
Metastasize like cancers
You’ll win some people over
By just giving one word answers

When your opponent mocks your plan
Here’s how you can get through it
When he says it can’t be done
You say, “Just watch me do it”

When he pooh poohs the price of gas
You say, “This much is sure
Until we all get hybrids
It’s a tax right on the poor.

When he keeps touting health care
Make this your parting shot
Massachusetts wanted it
America did not
Just be the man you know you are
That’s how a bully’s schooled
Despite how we might like to be
Not everyone is fooled.

No Debate About It

There must have been some network payoffs
To put a chat on jobs and layoffs
Up against the baseball playoffs

Then some conniving double dealers

(And you know what they do to squealers)
Scheduled the Pittsburgh Steelers

With one man known to gaffe and botch

Did they want anyone to watch?

I watched; although I had a hunch

There wouldn’t be a knockout punch

Here a jab and there a poke

Every time Joe Biden spoke
He said from 6 to 7:30
We’re for clean and you’re for dirty
We’re for sunshine, you’re for rain
We’re for pleasure, you’re for pain

We’re for flavored, you’re for plain
(The man is driving me insane)

What he says in certain spots

Has me all tied up in knots
I need my chiropractor to adjust me
Every time the guy says, “Trust me”

Say what you want of what he lacks
Old Joe can sure make up his facts
No church will pay for contraception
Libya was no deception
Recovery is all perception

Now that the staff has spun and turned

Is there anything we’ve learned
If there’s one take, this is it
No one out there’s going to quit
So put your boots back on the ground
This fight will go another round

SURPRISE

No matter what smooth strategies

Each candidate devises
It’s certain that October’s good
For one or two surprises

The nominees debated

And I’m sure each man rehearsed
But judging from the outcome
I guess we’ve just seen the first

The President’s supporters

All seem angry or perplexed
Which makes me apprehensive
Over what surprise comes next

Some striking piece of business

Which will make Chris Matthews thrill again
Too bad there’s no Bid Laden hiding
Seals could go and kill again

No diplomatic crisis solved

By using secret channels
No factory to open
For producing solar panels

The spinners and the shouters

Will be pumping up their lungs
I wouldn’t be amazed
To hear Joe Biden speak in tongues

Although I can’t predict it

I’m convinced and so believe
The man who’s the incumbent
Must have something up his sleeve

Regardless, his supporters

Should retain their calm and be level
I’ve heard the next debate
Is being held closer to sea level

The Week that Was

To make sense

Of the week’s events
I like to do my part
But thinking of
The week that was
I don’t know where to start

The debt is not

A short term threat
The President opined
So much so that
The sum we owe
Has sort of slipped his mind

Well if you have a master plan

I think that you should go for it
But when you spend a trillion bucks
You should have stuff to show for it

Unemployment’s stuck on eight

We’re now a food stamp nation
His major disappointment though?
Too little immigration
 
His treatment of some
Heads of state
Has made observers irate
Instead of meeting  face to face
He’s talking like a pirate
 
Romney may seem cautious
Speak while sitting on the fence
But sound bites from the White House
Simply don’t make any sense

Every politician has

A trust side and a doubt side
But few express
An eagerness
To change things from the outside

Chicago politicians caved

And teachers stopped their strike
Free speech is protected
That’s if it’s speech we like

But nothing mentioned heretofore

Upstaged the main event
A fact that may be noticed
By the 53 per cent

Our embassies are under siege

Our safe houses are burning
He said he had a lot to learn
I guess that he’s still learning

Eleven Years Without Them

As if we need to be reminded

As if our hearts were somehow blinded
As if each plane that I see fly
Light and faultless in the sky
Isn’t carrying the souls
Of Beemer and the boys
Who left their seats to save us

They didn’t obey the blinking sign

Pretending everything was fine
Waiting for the sanctions

As if every visitor to New York doesn’t wonder

And lining up without our shoes
And belts
And pocket change
We know why we’re waiting

As if we need a reason to remember
As if the date is not a scar
On each bright stripe and star

They set our flag on fire?

Then we should hoist it higher

 But we still think before we speak

Because we should; our mothers said so
And then we speak; because we must
For no one knows better what we have to say

And if I sin for what I say

Then lock me up in Bedlam
It is the safest place
In a world gone mad.

As if…

JOBS, JOBS, JOBS

I sing the lives of working men

And working women too
A song of celebration for
The many things they do

The steel, the saw

The plow, the plane
The pencil and the chalk
The resolute commuter
And the lucky few who walk
 

The drill, the wrench

The brush, the broom
The ruler and the rake
The fairly few who conjure
And the many hands that make

The brew, the bread

The rock, the brick
The mortar and the mix

The powerful who fashion

And the delicate who fix

The shovel and the hammer
The keyboard and the mouse
And even those who labor
In the Senate and the House

I sing them all

A chorus hall
In harmony and unity
May God grant each

And every one

A little opportunity

Long Range Forecast

Gather round and lend an ear

While I explain the reason

Everything you’ve seen so far

Hasmerely been pre-season

 

If you believed campaigning

Has been rough through certain patches

From here until November

Better batten down the hatches

 

The ocean level’s rising

And the water table’s warming

So something prime and powerful

Is clearly out there forming

 

The man and the machinery

Are just about converging

Telling me tomorrow that

A wave will soon be surging

 

Despite the demographics

That the pollsters are pursuing

Over the horizon, folks

A hurricane is brewing

 

A righteous revolution

That no force on earth can damper

The Republican Convention

Is about to start in Tampa

 

I’ve never been too clever

Either fiscally or stock wise

But I know the tide is turning

And it’s moving counter-clockwise

 

Well, I may be too hopeful

Or I just may be mistaken

But I see a few surprises

When the final vote is taken

 

For in every five-day forecast

Slings and arrows are the norm

Whatever comes this weekend’s

Just the calm before the storm.

Tarzan (not me) turns 100

I’m just an average Joe

A simple, good hard-working guy

I run the daily rat race

In a pin-striped suit and tie

But like so many dreamers

From Poughkeepsie to Des Moines

I’m swinging through the jungle

With a cloth around my loins

I speak the jungle language

With its roars and growls and yelps

I’m twice as fast as Usain Bolt

And swim past Michael Phelps

My eyes can pierce the darkness

My muscles?  Iron bands.

I fight the mighty lion

With just my two bare hands

I fear no fellow creature

While I howl at the moon

The chimps I know are loyal

And the Janes around me swoon

My life’s an epic story

With adventures and escapes

Thanks to Edgar Burroughs

I am Tarzan of the Apes

It’s for this fellow’s birthday

That this ode I have been singing

Here’s to the Earl of Greystoke

And 100 years of swinging

I fear sometimes we’ve lost those

Creature instincts that might guide us

But deep in all our spirits

Part of Tarzan is inside us

He’s fierce and strong and noble

Kind and just and wild and pure

Let’s hope what’s best in him

In us, continues to endure

Trust Me on This

As the Obama Speech was not well received even by the mainstream media, strangely, the White House has reached out to me to put a little rhyme into his reasoning.

Here’s what I’ve come up with. I wonder if they’ll like it.

I ran to bring the middle class

A future warm and sunny

To give you all that you deserve

I’ll have to take your money

The best economists agree

The science has been settled

In four more years along this path

The path will be rose-petalled

Some may suggest another way

But let’s all quit pretending

The way to lower deficits

Is drunken-sailor spending

I know you’ve heard some guarantees

And even more reneging

The hole is getting deeper

But I say let’s just keep digging

To learn from our reversals

Is a quest not worth pursuing

We know what caused the crisis

It’s all George Bush’s doing

The downturn of 2008

We Democrats can fix

The way we made things better

When we won 2006

So live life by the lesson

So pervasive this town

When what you’ve tried is failing

That’s the time to double down

I’m certain as I’ve ever been

At least there’s not much doubt there

I’m sure if we look hard enough

There’s more Solyndra’s out there

I have a plan that can not fail

To get this country cooking

The unemployment rate will drop

If more of you stop looking

I know my term has been defined

By blood and sweat and tears

But I promise you the future

If you give me four more years

Soldier Statesman

If you’ve listened to the witnesses
At trial for John Edwards
And concluded trust, integrity
And honor all were dead words

If you think all politicians
Are deceptive rank and rotten
I challenge every one of you
To learn about Tom Cotton

He worked his parents’ cattle farm
From when he was a lad
Not many cattle farmers
Get from there to Harvard Grad

His legal practice put him
In a comfortable position
But when we went to war
He joined an infantry division

When in a crisis, duty calls
Some special heroes heed it
So when the country’s done with war
I reckon they should lead it

I know no better resume
For any politician
Than honorable service
Through enlistment or commission

They risked their lives and futures
So that we could live in Peace
What profits then their sacrifice
If we turn in to Greece?

And so they doff their camouflage
And don a three piece suit
It’s just their kind leadership
Both parties should recruit

Good soldiers do their duty
And they never leave their station
We thank the and support them
As we make a better nation

Turning Apple Trees to Kindling

I’ve made minute inquiries
And a score of detailed queries
But never put much credence
In conspiratorial theories

Rather I’ve determined
To observe and to construe
Objectives of the left
By what they say and what they do

And what they’ve done is clearly
By the day and by the hour
To build a bigger government
And consolidate its power

As if to prove my point
You’ll find the evidence you seek
By studying the actions
Of the DOJ this week

Now, growth's been hard to find
No matter where a person looks
But one place sales are up
Is in the downloading of books

Apple’s making money
So are publishers and writers
What better time to regulate
And unleash the indicters

Amazon’s discounting by a buck
Or maybe two
I guess the folks at Justice
Don’t have better things to do

It’s not like global warming
Which we’re all about to die from
I think consumers know enough
To pick which place to buy from

Excuse me if this sounds like
Sophomore Civics for beginners
It’s not the job of government
To be out there picking winners

It’s not about collusion
Or a profit or a loss
It’s government asserting
Just exactly who’s the boss

So if you make a profit
Prosper, flourish or produce
Someone from the family
Will come by to get the juice

UN Conventional Wisdom

As Richard Nixon said one night
You win the party on the right
And then he said, with no dissenter
You win the nation at the center

So strategists, for decade stretches
Inscribed that on their Etch-a-Sketches
And Nixon’s dictum was respected
When all the data was collected
Through all the slogans, sung or shouted
His strategy was never doubted

How can I say, without attack words
This year I think it’s all basackwards
The leader, if you get my gist
Is happy as a centrist
The challengers I’m certain seem
Just a little more extreme

But to succeed election night
You can’t just be Obama light
The nominee must pivot right

The pendulum has started swinging
And when Brunhilda’s finished singing
The country which seemed so divided
Will show which side with which they’ve sided

So, in your Book of Wisdom, enter
That side is surely not…the center

We will Not Comply

I’ve railed at least a dozen times
And written more than several rhymes
Assailing them as frauds and fools
Those bureaucrats and all their rules

Who think they can improve the nation
By writing one more regulation
Limiting our right to choose
The kind of light bulb we can use
The colors we can paint our cars
The wood we use in our guitars

I’ve watched them work and hoped that each
Would show, at last, their overreach
The moment we could all anoint
That took us past the tipping point
Beyond the self-appointed czars
And subsidized electric cars

The flaw that made the mirror crack
The last straw on the camel’s back

Despite the way their flacks have spun it
I think at last they’ve gone and done it
For thanks to some new regulation
On farms across our noble nation
Because of what the Feds have done
A father cannot teach his son

Or else he’s subject to the powers
That set the rules for wage and hours

Now, this would have been quite a blow
To Ben and Hoss and Little Joe
I’m sure they would have shown defiance
By demonstrating non-compliance

So this must be our battle cry
A motto voiced by You and I
A star to set our conscience by…
We will not comply !

Getting there from Here

I think they lay awake at nights
Working on inventing rights
And after all the work is done
They’ve come up with another one

They have to ‘cause the times are tough
The Bill of Rights is not enough
10 Amendments ? Hardly any
10 Commandments? 10 Too Many

For when a choice is called a right
There is no field on which to fight
No power to whom we can turn
We’re only heretics to burn

But if we all agree to play
We dodge the wrath for one more day
And coldly slip into our place
Like Pluto on the edge of space
A dimming spec amid the void
Inconsequential planetoid

There’s one way friend, and only one
To find your way back towards the sun
One way you can defeat the night
The way
The truth
The light

Prayers for Chardon

I’ve walked the streets of Chardon
And bought maple sugar candy
From a girl behind the counter
Who went to that High School
Like her sister did
Like her mother did

I bought hardware
At a hardware store there
And the stranger behind the counter says,
“You’re married to Jean’s daughter, aren’t you?’

I went to the DMV there
For my mother-in-law
And I was done in ten minutes

I played miniature golf
At a sweet course 3 blocks from The Square
Where they hold tournaments
And sell Slim Jims and ice cream cones at the counter

Littleton is a name
Chardon is a place I’ve been
I’m sorry Littleton
I prayed for you
But not as hard as I should have done
As I do
For Chardon

Oh Lord, it is a shock
When 9/11 happens on your block.

Andrew

Well, he was no summer soldier
Where he fought was hard and cold
His manner? …less than gentle
His words were always bold

Andrew was a leader
And we happily played the chorus
When something needed saying
We let Andrew say it for us

Well, the contest isn’t over
And the system still is broken
So in honor of his mem’ry
We all need to be outspoken

When the moment calls you
Never turn your back and run
Gladly face the challenge
It’s what Andrew would have done

For he was no summer soldier
And the battles never cease
With the others who defend us
Let us pray he rests in peace.

Randon Rhymes

When ere I write my poetry
I try to have a theme
But with this one
I think I’ll row
My conscious down the stream

There’s so much to provoke me
That I assure you, verily
No matter where I row my boat
I won’t have done it merrily

The payroll tax agreement
I wish they had rejected it
Because they never cut the tax
They just won’t have collected it
And when the money they didn’t get
IS all doled out and spent
Everyone will wonder where the lock box went

The president has stated
And repeated sans seccession
Th’economy’s the worst it’s been
Since the Great Depression
Perhaps when he was speaking
He wasn’t listening, …cuz
Now he says he didn’t know
How bad it really was

Our government inspectors
Those clever little foxes
They snuck a regulaton in
Accessing our lunch boxes
Now, I am law-aiding
And by no means a meanie
But no one from the government’s
Gonna look at my pannini

Oh what a week this last week was
If ere there was a week
I fear we’ve all been rowing
Down the drain or up the creek

State of the U nion

Because it’s wise to scrutinize
The nation’s apparatus
Once a year the president
Reports the union’s status

He stands before the congress
Which is a fitting forum
And they receive his message
With appropriate decorum

They clap for all his programs
And laugh at all his jokes
And cheer the founding fathers
He randomly invokes

Though at the peroration
Just half the quorum stands
For, alas, the other half
Is sitting on its hands

But every leader honors
This peculiar institution
It is, of course, required
By that pesky Constitution

These speeches run together
And tangle in my head
I swear I heard Obama say
What Jimmy Carter said.

He thinks we don’t remember
It sets my blood to boil
Every time he mentions
Merit pay and foreign oil

And then those tax incentives
I’m sure you heard him pitch
But don’t take those deductions
If you happen to be rich

I want to watch the broadcast
With rectitude and pride
And hate it when I scare the cat
By shouting out, “You lied!”

Perhaps the next commander
Will see that it’s exped-ier
To skip the whole oration thing
And work with social media

Fired Up

The outlook is improving
And I hear Home Depot’s hiring
However, there are people
We must still consider firing

There’s several I can think of
Who should have a lot more free time
Starting with that bureaucrat
Who books Obama’s tee-time

And others I’m convinced, at least
Deserve a cut in pay
Starting with all zealots
Who work at the E.P.A.

And if I were elected
I’d pass out some cigars
Then start the reformation
By dismissing all the czars

And though I know that cutbacks
Tend to cause a lot of stress
I have a plan to decimate
The staff at I.R.S.

I’d can that new department
Aimed at “helping” the consumer
And then I’d send out pink slips
To Pelosi, Reid and Schumer

I’d scrutinize the records
Then make it a requirement
Whoever gave Solyndra cash
Accept early retirement

If you sold guns to drug lords
That merits a suspension
And if you lie to hide it
Whoops! There goes your pension

It hurts to lose employment
Believe me, I remember
But I live in hope that someone
Gets his notice next November