Apr 25, 2014

The War on Women (Men)

They’ll tell you this tomorrow

‘Cause they told you this before

All across this country

On our women, there’s a war


Men don’t want their women

To be regal or be regnant

We want them in the kitchen

Barefoot, meek, and pregnant


Ms. Clinton says that men like this

Have outraged and incensed her

She must include Obama here

Because he ran against her


If he believed what he says now

And harbors no ill-feeling

I think he should have stepped aside

And opened that glass ceiling


They’ll beat you with statistics

‘Til you’re almost black and blue

As if the more your say something

That somehow makes it true


For every dollar Ben takes home

The take home pay of Bess

No matter how she does her job

Is twenty-three cents less


Now you can argue back and forth

Debate, cajole or quibble

But never reach agreement

On the pay of Stan or Sybil


But there’s one thing you can’t dispute

An argument that’s stronger

Women, on the average

Than men live five years longer


So here’s the little secret

That my poetry’s exposed

Women get our SSI

While men mostly get hosed


I didn’t want to lead us down

This deadly primrose path

But in the name of equity

I went and did the math


That’s fifty bucks on average more

That Stella gets than Steven

But we won’t raise a big to-do

Come on, let’s call it even


Apr 3, 2014

Impossibly Good News

Seven million sign ups
Ain’t that swell
Baghdad Bob is alive and well

He changed his name
For just one Day
From Baghdad Bob to D.C. Jay

The ranks of the uninsured have shrunk
We met the target; Who’d a thunk

Just last week
We had no clue
Now it’s seven million
Sixty-seven thousand
And thirty-two
(Who knew?)

In other news
Even more surprising
The world’s at peace and the seas stopped rising
We’ve entered an era
Of great good felling
The weapons were surrendered and the planet’s healing

All the bad guys just left town
And the unemployment rate went down

Merkel may be playing hard to get
But our role with Russia has been re-set
Putin’s plans have all been thwarted
And looked at all the people that we’ve deported

All is joy and peace and love
Everything’s been gotten to the bottom of

Sun’s in the sky
And the sky ain’t fallin’
Osama’s dead
And GM’s…recallin

I’ve met or exceeded all my goals
Now why don’t we go play eighteen holes.
Last time I played..ain’t it a wonder
You might not believe it but I shot six under.


Reporters all like brouhahas
They sure are lots of fun
You don’t know what’s a brouhaha
Well, Watergate was one

Bridgegate is another
And those cable guys pursue it
Asking ol’ Chris Christie
What he knew and when he knew it
It’s as if every anchor
There on M S N B C
Lives or has a cousin
Stuck in traffic in Ft. Lee

It’s what across the nation
All the media enjoy
Except for in Hawaii
Where they call them brou ha hoi

The Russian word for brouhaha
I just don’t want to try
I know that in Jerusalem
They call them HAZARAI

The problem with a brouhaha
You never know when stuff’ll
Blow up from a (you know what)
Into a real kerfuffle

You issue a denial
Your spokesman shouts and stomps
And what was a kerfuffle’s
Now a full blown contre temps
Today’s administration
They sure have had their share
Of fracases, to-dos and rows
As you might be aware

A tumult and a hub bub
Lesser powers might defeat
But far beyond the notice
Of the media elite

The strategy they’ve seized upon
Like none that came before it
Presented with a crisis
Quite simply, they ignore it.