The War on Women (Men)

They’ll tell you this tomorrow

‘Cause they told you this before

All across this country

On our women, there’s a war

 

Men don’t want their women

To be regal or be regnant

We want them in the kitchen

Barefoot, meek, and pregnant

 

Ms. Clinton says that men like this

Have outraged and incensed her

She must include Obama here

Because he ran against her

 

If he believed what he says now

And harbors no ill-feeling

I think he should have stepped aside

And opened that glass ceiling

 

They’ll beat you with statistics

‘Til you’re almost black and blue

As if the more your say something

That somehow makes it true

 

For every dollar Ben takes home

The take home pay of Bess

No matter how she does her job

Is twenty-three cents less

 

Now you can argue back and forth

Debate, cajole or quibble

But never reach agreement

On the pay of Stan or Sybil

 

But there’s one thing you can’t dispute

An argument that’s stronger

Women, on the average

Than men live five years longer

 

So here’s the little secret

That my poetry’s exposed

Women get our SSI

While men mostly get hosed

 

I didn’t want to lead us down

This deadly primrose path

But in the name of equity

I went and did the math

 

That’s fifty bucks on average more

That Stella gets than Steven

But we won’t raise a big to-do

Come on, let’s call it even