The War on Women (Men)

They’ll tell you this tomorrow

‘Cause they told you this before

All across this country

On our women, there’s a war

 

Men don’t want their women

To be regal or be regnant

We want them in the kitchen

Barefoot, meek, and pregnant

 

Ms. Clinton says that men like this

Have outraged and incensed her

She must include Obama here

Because he ran against her

 

If he believed what he says now

And harbors no ill-feeling

I think he should have stepped aside

And opened that glass ceiling

 

They’ll beat you with statistics

‘Til you’re almost black and blue

As if the more your say something

That somehow makes it true

 

For every dollar Ben takes home

The take home pay of Bess

No matter how she does her job

Is twenty-three cents less

 

Now you can argue back and forth

Debate, cajole or quibble

But never reach agreement

On the pay of Stan or Sybil

 

But there’s one thing you can’t dispute

An argument that’s stronger

Women, on the average

Than men live five years longer

 

So here’s the little secret

That my poetry’s exposed

Women get our SSI

While men mostly get hosed

 

I didn’t want to lead us down

This deadly primrose path

But in the name of equity

I went and did the math

 

That’s fifty bucks on average more

That Stella gets than Steven

But we won’t raise a big to-do

Come on, let’s call it even

 

Impossibly Good News

Seven million sign ups

Ain’t that swell
Baghdad Bob is alive and well

He changed his name

For just one Day
From Baghdad Bob to D.C. Jay

The ranks of the uninsured have shrunk

We met the target; Who’d a thunk

Just last week

We had no clue
Now it’s seven million
Sixty-seven thousand
And thirty-two
(Who knew?)

In other news

Even more surprising
The world’s at peace and the seas stopped rising
 
We’ve entered an era
Of great good felling
The weapons were surrendered and the planet’s healing

All the bad guys just left town

And the unemployment rate went down

Merkel may be playing hard to get

But our role with Russia has been re-set
Putin’s plans have all been thwarted
And looked at all the people that we’ve deported

All is joy and peace and love

Everything’s been gotten to the bottom of

Sun’s in the sky
And the sky ain’t fallin’
Osama’s dead
And GM’s…recallin

I’ve met or exceeded all my goals

Now why don’t we go play eighteen holes.
Last time I played..ain’t it a wonder
You might not believe it but I shot six under.

Brouhaha

Reporters all like brouhahas

They sure are lots of fun
You don’t know what’s a brouhaha
Well, Watergate was one

Bridgegate is another

And those cable guys pursue it
Asking ol’ Chris Christie
What he knew and when he knew it
 
It’s as if every anchor
There on M S N B C
Lives or has a cousin
Stuck in traffic in Ft. Lee

It’s what across the nation

All the media enjoy
Except for in Hawaii
Where they call them brou ha hoi

The Russian word for brouhaha

I just don’t want to try
I know that in Jerusalem
They call them HAZARAI

The problem with a brouhaha

You never know when stuff’ll
Blow up from a (you know what)
Into a real kerfuffle

You issue a denial

Your spokesman shouts and stomps
And what was a kerfuffle’s
Now a full blown contre temps
 
Today’s administration
They sure have had their share
Of fracases, to-dos and rows
As you might be aware

A tumult and a hub bub

Lesser powers might defeat
But far beyond the notice
Of the media elite

The strategy they’ve seized upon

Like none that came before it
Presented with a crisis
Quite simply, they ignore it.