I Can't Go Home Again

I’m gonna tell you something

Just a few of you might know
I come from New York City
Though I’m called Tarzana Joe

I learned to ride the subway

When a token cost a quarter
I love the smell of sidewalks
And the taste of Catskill water

I’m friendly and outgoing

With a healthy fear of strangers
I like the Mets and Yankees
Giants, Jets and New York Rangers

I hoped I might revisit

Where I’ve lived and loved before
But according to the governor
I ain’t welcome there no more

He’s forced me out of Flatbush

And he’s banned me from Bay Ridge
That’s assuming that Chris Christie
Even lets me cross the bridge

There’s no room for my business
And I can’t root for my team
‘Cause my views are non-conforming
And my ideas—too extreme

Though we both grew up as Catholics

I imagine and suppose he
Learned his catechism
From a teacher named Pelosi

Rare and safe and legal

That’s how they say it should be
And they think that they’re successful
When they failed two out of three

I’d love a nice vacation

Central Park is worth a stroll
But all things being equal
I’d prefer to keep my soul

Yes, I’m sticking to my guns here

High water, friend, or hell come
And hope the Pearly Gates
Will be a place where I’ll be welcome