I Can't Go Home Again

I’m gonna tell you something

Just a few of you might know
I come from New York City
Though I’m called Tarzana Joe

I learned to ride the subway

When a token cost a quarter
I love the smell of sidewalks
And the taste of Catskill water

I’m friendly and outgoing

With a healthy fear of strangers
I like the Mets and Yankees
Giants, Jets and New York Rangers

I hoped I might revisit

Where I’ve lived and loved before
But according to the governor
I ain’t welcome there no more

He’s forced me out of Flatbush

And he’s banned me from Bay Ridge
That’s assuming that Chris Christie
Even lets me cross the bridge

There’s no room for my business
And I can’t root for my team
‘Cause my views are non-conforming
And my ideas—too extreme

Though we both grew up as Catholics

I imagine and suppose he
Learned his catechism
From a teacher named Pelosi

Rare and safe and legal

That’s how they say it should be
And they think that they’re successful
When they failed two out of three

I’d love a nice vacation

Central Park is worth a stroll
But all things being equal
I’d prefer to keep my soul

Yes, I’m sticking to my guns here

High water, friend, or hell come
And hope the Pearly Gates
Will be a place where I’ll be welcome

The Ballad of Omnibus Bill

You must have heard and should recall
Of “robbing Peter to pay Paul”
Which means, for Pittsburg Steeler fans,
That money, while it changes hands
Makes a move that doesn’t matter
Burns the former, cheats the latter
But worse, on the Absurd-o-meter
Is robbing Peter to pay Peter
Which by a vote of two-to-one
Is what our government has done
It strikes me as the height of pettiness
To charge a grunt for his own readiness
To bill a flyer for his fuel
To dock a sailor for his gruel
And do it without one mis-giving
I guess that’s just the cost of living.

Forgive me if I’m mis-construing
But could this be Paul Ryan’s doing?
It seems to me the pundits said

He was the sharpest in the shed

I guess it’s time that I re-rate him
He let Joe Biden out-debate him
And now, with his entire staff
Appears too clever here, by half
We’ve cut your pay, but have no fears
We put it off for two more years
It’s just part of the D.C. dance
We’ll fix it…if we get the chance

 

And what about this Rogers guy
So proud of all that he put by
The architect, perhaps the artisan
Twelve hundred pages of bi-partisan
A treasure trove of gives and gets
But give-backs from retired vets
Friend, when you reach across the aisle
You often step in quite a pile
I don’t know much, but what I knows is
Something smells…and it sure ain’t roses