State of the U nion

Because it’s wise to scrutinize
The nation’s apparatus
Once a year the president
Reports the union’s status

He stands before the congress
Which is a fitting forum
And they receive his message
With appropriate decorum

They clap for all his programs
And laugh at all his jokes
And cheer the founding fathers
He randomly invokes

Though at the peroration
Just half the quorum stands
For, alas, the other half
Is sitting on its hands

But every leader honors
This peculiar institution
It is, of course, required
By that pesky Constitution

These speeches run together
And tangle in my head
I swear I heard Obama say
What Jimmy Carter said.

He thinks we don’t remember
It sets my blood to boil
Every time he mentions
Merit pay and foreign oil

And then those tax incentives
I’m sure you heard him pitch
But don’t take those deductions
If you happen to be rich

I want to watch the broadcast
With rectitude and pride
And hate it when I scare the cat
By shouting out, “You lied!”

Perhaps the next commander
Will see that it’s exped-ier
To skip the whole oration thing
And work with social media

Fired Up

The outlook is improving
And I hear Home Depot’s hiring
However, there are people
We must still consider firing

There’s several I can think of
Who should have a lot more free time
Starting with that bureaucrat
Who books Obama’s tee-time

And others I’m convinced, at least
Deserve a cut in pay
Starting with all zealots
Who work at the E.P.A.

And if I were elected
I’d pass out some cigars
Then start the reformation
By dismissing all the czars

And though I know that cutbacks
Tend to cause a lot of stress
I have a plan to decimate
The staff at I.R.S.

I’d can that new department
Aimed at “helping” the consumer
And then I’d send out pink slips
To Pelosi, Reid and Schumer

I’d scrutinize the records
Then make it a requirement
Whoever gave Solyndra cash
Accept early retirement

If you sold guns to drug lords
That merits a suspension
And if you lie to hide it
Whoops! There goes your pension

It hurts to lose employment
Believe me, I remember
But I live in hope that someone
Gets his notice next November