Jan 30, 2015
Poem 529
Every year, the Beltway crowd
All get a little thrill
As they take the White House budget
On its journey to The Hill
You’ll hear familiar phrases like,
“Well, this will never fly.”
While others, with annoyance say,
“The ink’s not even dry.”
The most familiar phrasing?
According to the vets here
The folks who say, “That’s D.O.A.”
Before it even gets here!”
The people rose in outrage
And the President relented.
Would, when you took the money out
Be subject to a tax.
But trying to explain it
Even Gruber couldn’t fool them
The reason that the White House
Says they made the quick redaction?
The rule was controversial
And they didn’t want the distraction
Some were just astounded
You could hear them gasp and golly
While others see this back down
As a footnote to the folly
But scouts are sent ahead
To see the way the tracks get laid
That’s why the world needs poets
And the big bucks we get paid
Hill 529 will be the mountain
Where momentum turned
In just this magic moment
The revolution has begun!
All get a little thrill
As they take the White House budget
On its journey to The Hill
You’ll hear familiar phrases like,
“Well, this will never fly.”
While others, with annoyance say,
“The ink’s not even dry.”
The most familiar phrasing?
According to the vets here
The folks who say, “That’s D.O.A.”
Before it even gets here!”
But what we saw this week
Is really quite unprecedentedThe people rose in outrage
And the President relented.
Tax exempted savings
Which the government still backsWould, when you took the money out
Be subject to a tax.
The money was for college kids
So folks like us could school themBut trying to explain it
Even Gruber couldn’t fool them
The reason that the White House
Says they made the quick redaction?
The rule was controversial
And they didn’t want the distraction
Some were just astounded
You could hear them gasp and golly
While others see this back down
As a footnote to the folly
But scouts are sent ahead
To see the way the tracks get laid
That’s why the world needs poets
And the big bucks we get paid
I see a stand for common sense
And this is what we learnedHill 529 will be the mountain
Where momentum turned
The people now are up in arms
Let’s keep them on the runIn just this magic moment
The revolution has begun!
Jan 26, 2015
Say it Ain't So
News Flash! The
cast of Downton Abbey wins the SAG Award for best acting. Howzat?
The announcement was made the same night History Channel debuted “Sons
of Liberty” which is all about taxation without representation. Well, I’ve got news for you SAG members. Your tax dollars are going to pay for the
salaries of the non-SAG actors, writers, directors and crew of Downton. What?
Do you think that the UK’s Carnival Film and Television lets PBS
broadcast it for free?
And one more thing…”Sons of Liberty” was made in Romania.
Jan 23, 2015
SOTU; A Perspective
I tuned in the speech
And I listened intentlyTo see how the country
Had changed, fundamentally
I read all the papers
And watch all the newsI’m pretty well versed
On the facts and my views
But after I heard
What the President saidI learned, to my shame
I’ve been terribly led
My Tea Party friends
Are deceived or deludedThe POTUS has spoken
And so I concluded
To get with the plan
I spent most of the nightDoing the homework
To get my head right.
To open the door
And to turn a new leafAnd so I can say
It is now my belief
That the world is at peace
But the climate’s a crisisA heat wave in June
Is more trouble than Isis
Selma is better than
12 Years a Slave
Snipers are cowards
But drone-ers are brave
Our plan for Iran
Is productive and cleverAnd such a success
Talks may go on forever
The deal with Fidel
Was the best we could getOur friendship with Russia
Is being re-set
We’ve got a great team
And a marvelous benchAnd now everyone knows
That John Kerry speaks French
Thanks to the law
We’re all happy and healthy
Let's go for a ride
On the backs of the wealthy
As for 529’s
Well, the government backs themBut when you withdraw
Then we’re going to tax them
He’s willing to hear
What the House is proposingHis office is open
But Gitmo is closing
It’s no never-mind
We’re the world’s biggest debtor
Thanks for the speech
Now I feel so much better
Jan 17, 2015
State of the Union - A reply
Following is my humble suggestion for how Joni Ernst should begin her reply to President Obama's State of the Union speech.
On behalf of the Republican Party, I want to thank you, my
fellow Americans, for voting this November and for voting to give our party
majorities in both the House and Senate.
We thank you for the victories but more importantly we thank you for the
trust that you have placed in our policies and our ability to see them
through.
The most important opinion on the state of the union is not
the President’s. It isn’t even
mine. It is yours. And you have made that opinion very clear.
You do not want a health insurance system that is even more
complicated and less responsive than it was before. You don’t want an immigration system that
punishes the lawful and rewards the lawless.
You don’t want to see more and more people leave the job market and hear
the administration call that an accomplishment.
You want a government that won’t try to deceive or mislead
you because the consultants and the czars in Washington think you don’t know
what’s best for you. You want to work and
travel with the confidence that our country is secure from those who would do
us harm. You want to know that our
military is properly equipped and responsibly deployed. And when an American is wounded, you want to
see that soldier receive respect and the highest level of care.
Sadly, in the last six years, you saw things happen in this
country and in Washington that made you decide you wanted to go in another
direction. So let me tell you how we
think we can all get there…
Jan 14, 2015
A Preview of this Week's Poem
Welcome to our world
Dear Harvard ProfessorsYou now have to choose
Of two evils,
The lessers
Ignore all the facts
And keep singing your songOr step up to the mike
And admit you were wrong
You wrote, at the time
That high costs should be shared
But hoped, way back when
That somehow you’d be spared
I know what you’re thinking
You don’t have to say itA tax is regressive
If you have to pay it
But sorry to tell you
Ye Brahmins and solonsYou’ll now pay for tests
Of your breasts and your colons
And when we have finished
Examining thoseFor everything else
May you pay through the nose.
Jan 9, 2015
Rough Week
The week started out with Harvard professors complaining about their ineluctable deductibles so I wrote a poem about that. Then there was the horror in Paris so I thought I couldn't go on the air with a funny poem. I wrote a poem about that. Then there was a voice (or maybe voices) that said the cartoonists brought this on themselves by provoking the terrorists. Well, every self-respecting, world-respecting weekly radio poet has to write a poem about that. And in the midst of all this, our President announces a major policy goal. Really?
The poem that I wrote about health care
Was now all about a cartoon
I was told to re-think my position
So I went back and wrote it again
When the moral result was considered
Then people like me were to blame
So I went back and crafted a sonnet
Making fun of community college
“Take it easy, professor,” I answered
“After all, it was only a joke.”
“I’m sorry if I have offended…
And a lot of my friends go to Pierce.”
But their shouts were still shrill and insistent
Somewhat muffled behind their bandana
They hollered that I was elitist
And suggested that I leave Tarzana
So I scribbled the poem I just read you
Which I wrote hiding out in Reseda
It’s been a tough week for a poet
Or a spokesmen who’s part opportunist
And a terrible week for the planet
But it’s worse if you were a cartoonist.
Well,
I first wrote a poem about Harvard
When
suddenly just before noonThe poem that I wrote about health care
Was now all about a cartoon
I
wrote a poem about murder
And
then at a quarter to tenI was told to re-think my position
So I went back and wrote it again
I
was warned if my words drew reprisals
And
then tragedy out of them cameWhen the moral result was considered
Then people like me were to blame
I
was cowed by this cold admonition
More
than I want to acknowledgeSo I went back and crafted a sonnet
Making fun of community college
“How
dare you!” the faculty shouted
They
condemned every word that I spoke“Take it easy, professor,” I answered
“After all, it was only a joke.”
But
the pitchforks and torches were flaming
And
the outcry was angry and fierce“I’m sorry if I have offended…
And a lot of my friends go to Pierce.”
But their shouts were still shrill and insistent
Somewhat muffled behind their bandana
They hollered that I was elitist
And suggested that I leave Tarzana
Now,
I’m no fan of hot confrontations
Tell
the truth, I’m a bit of a bleederSo I scribbled the poem I just read you
Which I wrote hiding out in Reseda
It’s been a tough week for a poet
Or a spokesmen who’s part opportunist
And a terrible week for the planet
But it’s worse if you were a cartoonist.
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