A Poem of Scandals

As sure as rain’s in Spain
And there’s some wind in them thar willows
I know we’re going to learn
Each politician’s peccadilloes

The papers and the blogs contend
To post the morning’s stunner
All aimed at undermining
Who’s perceived as the front-runner

It happens every year
Just as the days succeed the dawns
To make it to the end
You’d better know who mows your lawns

I’ll give you sound advice
Just as once Joseph gave to Pharaoh
Never eat a salad
That was picked by a Brasero

If someone that you work with
Seems particularly charming
Think about a new career
Like poetry or farming

The polls will keep ascending
Until you reach a lofty perch
Provided you ignore the things
Your pastor says in church

Perhaps we should pick candidates
By Natural Selection
And wait a million years till
One evolves to reach perfection

I know to be despairing
Is considered quite a sin
But I can’t help obsessing
On the things that might have been

If only Gov’ner Christie
Had been just a little smaller
If only Herman’s wife had been
Well…just a little taller.