The Future is Mine by Tarzana Joe

I wish that all those Mayan guys

Had been a lot less cryptic

So I could make precise-er plans

For times apocalyptic



Their P.D.A.s were made of stone

And should have had the power

To tell me more than just the year

Likewise, the day and hour



Considering the many things

The Mayan prophet teaches

I'd like to know to what extent

This cataclysm reaches



But nowadays I tend to doubt

Such certainty exists

For prophesies (like health care bills)

Are shrouded in the mists



So here's what I propose to do

Despite what they predict

And when you hear it you'll agree

I've got the future licked



I'll summer in Nebraska

Where I know the weather's great

And then I'll spend my winters

In the southern Sunshine State



And when I need a respite I'll

Abandon my cabana

And take a cruise to the bayous

Of sweet Louisiana



And though I'm not real talented

Or even very skilled

I'll join a labor union or

Perhaps the Writers' Guild



Although I haven't read the bill

According to the scholars

If I do this, the Democrats

Owe me...a BILLION DOLLARS