The Pledge

I PLEDGE to be of service to my community
I PLEDGE to oppose anything that threatens the earth
I PLEDGE to fight the unseen terrorism of plastic water bottles
I PLEDGE to support the right of convicted terrorists to die comfortably In their own beds
I PLEDGE (if I am an Average American) to cheerfully pay as taxes to my government everything I earn from January 1 to April 13
I PLEDGE to donate everything else I have to Charley Rangel
I PLEDGE to look the other way when supporters of Euthanasia, legal standing for animals in our courts, tax cheats and 9/11 Truthers are appointed to top White House jobs without Congressional approval
I PLEDGE to stand side by side with the International Community and ignore North Korea and Iran and attack Honduras if asked
I PLEDGE to buy Government Motors cars once they start making them in China
I PLEDGE never to impose upon this administration the subtle bigotry of high expectations

And when my bones are weary
And useless to this nation
I PLEDGE my all to help decrease the surplus population

I PLEDGE to thee, Obama
But if some questions linger
In proof of my deep loyalty
I’ll bite off my own finger

And in the fields of fairness
I pledge to be a weeder
I pledge to be of service
To our Beloved Leader